We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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