i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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