i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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