but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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