Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm at about main and main street
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
