omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
