In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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