shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
