i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
