I need to stop coming to work sober
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
