Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
