arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
