I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
