TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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