I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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