he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drake has all the answers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
