They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
