I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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