woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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