What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
