just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just want to make out with him forever
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
