Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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