Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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