When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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