I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
