I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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