we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
