oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
