her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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