wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
