I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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