im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
