i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
