Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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