i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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