flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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