??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
