it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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