I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
