there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
