i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
