upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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