My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
