idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
