i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
