My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
