I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
