so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
