please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
