ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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