He is an equal opportunity slut.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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