if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
