and you said cock pushups were impossible
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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