We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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