I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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