Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
