I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
