I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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