hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
