Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
