Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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