I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
